Sweatshirts and Pearls

Alone with my thoughts, sitting in the dark. He lies next to me for the last time, and I realize this is the end. No more fairy-tale, this is what loss feels like. I tiptoe to our master bath and sob into my face towel. That was the last time. I'm too independent to be seen as a damsel in distress and yet here I was secretly hoping he would save me. But the truth is, she was the only one who could. They say you don't know what you've got until it's gone and it's so true. You see while I was busy catorting, she was losing her grasp. While I was busy folding for the world around me, she was fading. A part of me knew she was holding on by a thread, but I wanted this life oh so bad. Mom. Wife. Lover. Partner. Bossbabe. Daughter. Sister. Aunt. Friend. Colleague. Confidant. Comfortable. Convenient. Ciera. Barely. I went dark for a few months. Immersed myself in motherhood, overcompensating for the inevitable; Doubled down at work overachieving so noone coul

An old FB post reminded me that ten years ago I was in a rural Providence in Afghanistan during Operation Enduring Freedom. I should have been sleeping to prepare for my long perimeter shift, but instead I decided to paint my nails and my toes, despite them being in thick green socks and combat boots. Many of us practice Self-care without announcing it to the world, but especially since it has become so mainstream (as it should be), the term has many interpretations. I've been doing my nails as a part of my regular routine and never put too much thought into it. I mean I was in a war zone and spent time doing my nails and putting rollers in my hair (another story for another day). Doing my nails makes me feel like me. Some folks believe self-care is not about lighting candles and getting Manis/pedis. Some folks believe true self-care is building a life you don't need a break from. Others think it is physical fitness. Self-care is NOT one size fits all. I believe self-care

I did it again. Unintentionally, subconsciously comparing myself, my lifestyle, my parenting style to the masses. It's ugly, that scorecard you keep. So why do you have it? How does she get her kid to sit still longer than 10 min without screentime? How did she get her makeup to so flawless? Man, I want to do that. I wish I could be as carefree as he is. How did she get her core strength back post baby? And on and on and on. The comparisons are plenty when life gets difficult. We may think that we are alone or the only ones to have suffered in this way. Truth is, you are not alone. We have all been there. Fact of the matter is, you are where you need to be in this very moment. The trials you endure are building character allowing you to blossom in your strength. Giving you the understanding that He has guided your steps and this is a lesson for this season. This lesson will carry you to and through the next chapter of life. You will be able to share wisdom with your babies abo

(Dec 2018) 2018 is almost over...what a year?! As I sit here eating my homemade white chocolate covered pretzels, I am reflecting on the Year of Yes and how much my life has changed in 2018. If my Year of Yes has taught me anything, it's that even when the yes is for my good it may still suck to have to say it out loud. I have experienced great joys, great sadness, and contentment this year.  2018 is not ending the way I had expected which is a major plot twist but nevertheless, I prevail in tact, Faith on lock. (Y'all know I still try to plan life and God does what He wants. LOL ) Focusing on the 2018 highs. The Caffeinated Mamas Support Group launched. I set a goal and reached it. Have already started working on a few events for the Caffeinated Mamas' 2019 calendar and can't wait to share and fellowship. Some major collabs happening so be sure to follow us on FB and IG. (@thecaffeinatedmama_) Babybeez celebrated his 2nd Birthday. The #TerrificTw